When Your “I do’s” Turn Ugly #LookingUp

When the i do's turn ugly

As you approached your wedding vows with confidence, you proudly stated your “I do’s,” and they probably sounded something like…

I do in better times

I do in worse times 

I do in rich times

I do in poor times

I do in sick times

I do in healthy times

I do in love until death separates us

And traditionally that is the vow or promise that you agreed to in front of your friends and family.

That is what you agreed to in the presence of God, and most likely you bent your posture in prayer before they announced you husband and wife…sealing the deal…and you were happy!

What a blessing!  What an honor!

To be grafted into a union with another person to live the rest of  your life with,  forever.

To never be alone and to always be loved by someone who will grow old with you.

And so it began…


But, what if things changed after your wedding day and you are no longer saying “I do” to the things you originally pictured?

What if you are saying I do to cancer or a sickness that requires you to sacrifice everything for your spouses care?

What if your spouse has a disorder that makes him do or say things that brings heartache?

What if he is addicted to alcohol?

What if he doesn’t show you love like you thought he would?


What if your I do to poor times turned into a I do to financial difficulty that seems beyond repair?  What if your debt is overloading or you are struggling with losing your home?

What if  your husband is a huge spender or not a great provider?

What if your I do to worse times are nothing you could have imagined?

What if he could care less about the things of God and never goes with you to church?

What if he doesn’t spend time with the kids and drops the ball as a father and a husband repeatedly?  What if it looks far worse then the marriages around you?

What if you feel like you don’t love him anymore?

I guarantee you that your marriage looks nothing as you planned.  It may not look as I described above but we all have had expectations of our spouses that they may never live up to.  From aggravating circumstances that make our marriage very difficult to subtle indifference’s that make it less enjoyable, there is a bit of tweaking that could be of benefit.

Now if only we could make them change!!  Or make the situation change!!

Unfortunately we don’t have the power to do that but we do however have the power to be responsible for our own selves & our reactions to our circumstances.

We can control our actions.  We can control what we say, think, feel, and respond to.  We have the power to walk away in a discussion or escalate it and above all, we have the power to pray!

Why should we pray?

Because underneath all the junk you really want to be loved by this man that you still desire to be in love with.  And because prayer is the only thing that has the ability to change things.


So what do we do for this man to change things?

What do we give to make it better?

What do we say to fix this thing?

Here is the answer:  NOTHING.

There is nothing you can do, nothing you can give, nothing you can say.

Actually, you are about as helpless as they come…which makes it such a blessing that you have Jesus!

The one and only thing you can do to survive this and come out on top is pray!

Prayer is the only thing that is capable of supplying you with exactly what you need.  The Holy Spirit grieves to the Father on our behalf…He does it in such a way that the Lord says that is sounds like moans & groans…in other words it’s deep internal begging with all of His heart!  He does this for you, me, & our spouses.

Read this next part slow…don’t miss this.

Even if we don’t have the words to say or frankly don’t understand our true needs, every time we open our mouths in prayer…the Spirit seconds it by saying to our Daddy exactly what we need in intricate detail down to our created fibers.  Because the Holy Spirit is God…and God knew that we don’t exactly understand what it is we need at times to be prosperous.  He knows that we get stuck and look around with no words to say at times. 

So, as gracious as only He is, He allows His own Spirit to represent me & you, back to Himself, in order that He can have the requests that He knows we really need…and then He can answer them.


Isn’t that incredible!!  So, sit with the Father…you don’t necessarily need the words.  Just sit and simply say…”I don’t know my needs…but I know I need you…help me pray alongside your Spirit.”

Prayers = power

Power = Jesus

Jesus = transformation

May our marriages all be transformed into something we eagerly would stand at the alter again for.

Thank you for reading today!!  If you are visiting, I just want to say how glad I am that you stopped by.  If you are a blogger, please take a minute and link up below.  It’s easy, just press the link up button and copy/paste your favorite links from your own blog.  This is a great way to read what others are writing and share your platforms.  I hope you see you all again next week!

🙂  Amy


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  1. Congratulations, Amy, on the blog’s new look — and on your perseverance through the rigors of all your changes. By the way, your post today reminds me of a story that Elisabeth Elliot used to tell about her 2nd husband’s words: Most women get married and admit that they like about 80% of their husband’s characteristics, but then spend the rest of their married life working on the other 20%. 🙂 I try to remember this with my good guy of 25 years.

    • Amy Schlichter says:

      Thank you for your patience today with the new blog…I know I have received several emails telling of a few tweaks that need made. It was a long day! And…it’s so crazy because all day long as Ive fumbled with this, I keep thinking how much I love my husband 🙂 I’m glad that big guy is around when I feel like a disaster! Thanks again for stopping by, hope to see you again next week!

  2. This is a fantastic blog post, and so very true. Thank you also for the link-up opportunity. Your blog is looking beautiful!

  3. I loved your post. Awesome.

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